


Fear Itself

by Darksidekelz



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 22:39:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18485875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darksidekelz/pseuds/Darksidekelz
Summary: What did Felix see in the alien temple?





	Fear Itself

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I just got back into this fandom after being gone since Season 8. It seems I missed a lot of good stuff in the meantime. The Chorus Trilogy is A++ content ^^
> 
> Anyway, fanfiction happened, so yay!

Felix had been expecting a little more fanfare when he’d stepped through the gate - a small army of people he’d wronged in his life, for starters.  That useless pirate had claimed to have been confronted by his own victims when he’d been shoved through earlier. Judging by the whistling abyss that greeted him, however, the gate had something different in store this time.

Whatever.  There wasn’t anything this stupid alien temple could throw at him that he couldn’t handle.  He was going to complete whatever bullshit challenge the aliens had for him, prove himself the ‘chosen hero’ and shove his victory in Locus’s stupid face.

Speaking of . . . 

He looked around the surrounding emptiness, noting a certain lack of uptight oaf in the area.  Where the hell had Locus gotten off to? They’d entered together; surely he couldn’t be far.

<<Locus?  Hey Loc ->> his comm crackled in his ear before giving out altogether.

_ Huh, guess I’m on my own then. _

He hated how uncomfortable that thought made him.  It didn’t matter. Locus would show up when Felix needed him; he always did.  In the meantime, he had an epic mission to complete. He stepped forward, away from the conspicuous lack of any kind of entrance, and deeper into the abyss.

It was nearly anticlimactic how briefly he was forced to wander.  Just a few steps into this heavy darkness (had it gotten darker?), Felix spotted a familiar flash of green trudging up ahead.  

_ The fuck does this asshole think he’s doing? _

Locus wasn’t one for petty competition.  He hadn’t seemed keen on losing their little bet, but Felix couldn’t imagine him wandering off once inside without so much as checking in with his partner.  Unless, of course, he’d found a lead? It was worth investigating. Felix scurried onwards, eager to catch up. He couldn’t exactly place a finger on why, but this darkness was starting to feel a little spooky, and though he’d never admit it, Locus’s presence did make him feel, if nothing else, safer.

“Locus!” he called out, once he was close enough to be heard.  “Hey, wait up!” 

Locus didn’t wait.  He didn’t even slow down.   _ Asshole. _

This time, Felix raced on ahead, stopping directly in Locus’s path.  If he wasn’t going to stop on his own accord, then Felix would make him.  “What, are you deaf now too?”

“Felix,” Locus murmured.  His voice was strangely unreadable - what was he?  Upset? Annoyed? Scared? Felix was usually so good at this game.

“Yep, that’s still my name.  What’s wrong? You afraid of the dark?”

Locus said nothing.  That was fine. Felix could talk enough for the both of them.  “I mean, I don’t blame you. It’s pretty spooky - you could get lost in here and never find your way out.  Still, as far as some epic test of worthiness, or whatever, it’s pretty lame. I was expecting a party - something to kill at least.  And what do I get? A fat load of -”

“I’m leaving.”

“What?”  Felix scurried closer and circled around Locus, in part to try and scrutinize his peculiar decision from a different perspective, and in part as an unconscious effort to cut him off from escape.  “What do you mean, you’re leaving? We just got here. You haven’t given up already, have you?” He laughed, though he didn’t find the situation particularly funny. “Jesus, I knew you didn’t have what it took to be a ‘true hero,’ or whatever, but I would have thought you’d put up more of a challenge than this.”

He’d expected some ruffled feathers; he was very good at ruffling Locus’s feathers.  But for once, Locus remained ungoaded. He stood tall, his shoulders poised, confident - not exactly the posture of a man frightened into submission.  The only sign that he was ready to prematurely give up on his mission was the few, slow steps he took back in the direction Felix had come from. Felix hurried to cut off his escape again, intentionally this time.  Like Hell was he letting this walking bundle of emotional issues chicken out on him.

“Okay, what’s up?.  You’re acting really weird.  The room didn’t get to you already, did it?  I don’t know how it would have, considering there’s fuck-all in here, but hey - I get it.  You’re a sensitive guy. It’s okay.” He reached out a hand to wrap it around Locus’s shoulder, drawing him closer.  “I respect that. You may be a broken shell of a man, but hey, it happens to the best of us. Anyway, you just - I guess wander on back to the exit and leave the real mission to me from here.”  There. Never let it be said that Felix was a bad partner. True, he was about to win their bet and a whole temple full of mysterious alien goodies, but he was letting Locus off easy. Had any of the pirates displayed such weakness, they wouldn’t have been coming home.  Period.

Locus shook the arm off, without anger nor annoyance, an action that raised all sorts of red flags.  Something was wrong, something that Felix couldn’t quite put a finger on. If Locus had truly been upset by whatever it was he’d found in this creepy temple within his scant few minutes away from Felix, then it would have shown in his voice, in his stance, in his movements.  Felix had known Locus for the better part of the last two decades. If there was one thing he’d proven true time and again, it was that he was a rubbish actor.

And yet, when the situation was less than dire, he always had time to make clear his disdain for Felix’s antics.  He should have retorted by now. Thrown a little sass back, if he was really in the mood. But there was nothing. It was almost as if he held no more regard for Felix than he did for the pirates that served them.

_ Fuck that. _

“Hey,” said Felix, a growl slipping into his voice.  Despite his own recent words, he kept pace with Locus, refusing to let him get too far.  “What’s with you? You gonna answer me?”

“I’m leaving,” Locus said again.  Infuriating.

“Okay, yeah, you said that,” said Felix, slipping ahead to cut him off once more.  “Not sure how you intend to do that;  _ I  _ sure as hell didn’t see an exit back there, but whatever.  Let’s pretend that there really is a - I don’t know - an invisible door.  Why exactly are you so eager to leave?”

For a moment, Locus stared down at him, and Felix, to his own horror, couldn’t even begin to imagine the look he wore right now.  Was this what Locus’s victims saw when they looked at him? Locus was a big guy to begin with, and though size wasn’t everything, he carried a certain intensity about him - an aura of death.  Here was a man who had killed before; who was very good at it; who existed for it, and Felix, for all of his own skills, for his boasting, and his cocky confidence, felt, standing beneath Locus’s unmoving gaze, very much like a fly caught in a spider’s web.  There was no denying just who, between the two of them would win, should they ever truly find themselves as enemies.

Despite himself, Felix faltered, retreating just enough to let Locus pass him by.  The moment was quick to pass, however, and Felix hurried after him, forcing the quivering from his voice.  “Hey, you gonna answer me?”

“I’m leaving.”

Felix winced.  This was the third time he’d said it, and Felix was starting to think there was more to his intent than alien spirit quests.  “Okay,” he groaned, disguising a flare of fear with irritation. “Is there anything else you can say, or did this temple fuck you up more than I thought?”

Locus paused, turning back to Felix, once more fixing him with his eerie, predatory stare.  Felix froze mid-step, mentally preparing his escape route, should it come to blows. 

“I’m leaving Chorus.”

At last, fear gave way to genuine anger.  What did this broken asshole think he was doing.  “Are you shitting me right now?” Felix snapped, striding forward, straight into Locus’s space, and standing up as tall as he could make himself - not enough to match Locus’s height, but enough to prove that he wasn’t so easily frightened.  He was  _ Felix _ .  What did he have to be afraid of?

Locus began to turn away, and like hell was Felix going to let him run away without answers.  He lunged forward, grabbing onto Locus’s shoulder and whirling him back around, so they were face-to-face once more.  He was only partially surprised that Locus allowed him to do so. “Don’t you walk out on me, you son of a bitch,” he hissed, using his grip on Locus to drag him down to his level.  “Not without explaining what the fuck you think you’re doing. You’re leaving Chorus? What the fuck brought this on? You come in here, dick around for two minutes, and what? Decide you wanna go back home?

“We’ve spent  _ years _ working this mission!  The only thing standing between us and total victory is a handful of rainbow-colored UNSC rejects, and you choose  _ now _ to start disobeying orders?!”

Unsurprisingly, Locus broke free from his grip with ease, bringing himself back up to his full height.  He made no other move against Felix, did no more than stare down at him, but Felix could feel the disdain that rolled off of him all the same.

“Yes.”  Again, he turned away, and again, Felix planted himself between Locus and wherever the fuck he thought he was going.

“What, just like that?  Come on, Locus. What about the suit?  What about becoming the perfect soldier?”  Felix wasn't entirely convinced that Locus had cared about any of that - not like Felix had, but if he had stopped giving a shit about orders for some reason, surely there was something he wanted.

“That's something you wanted, not me.”  He walked away.

Felix followed, feeling the sense of panic begin to bubble over.  Locus  _ couldn't _ leave.  He couldn't…

Why couldn't he?

“Hargrove!” Felix blurted, with unflattering desperation.  He didn't care. “C'mon, you heard what Hargrove said earlier!  I mean, sure, who cares about the super suit? It was kind of ugly anyway.  And we have to wait years to use it? Some reward, am I right?” He scurried around again, this time planted a hand on Locus's chest, in part to lighten the mood, mostly to keep him from going.  “But Hargrove's threat? That was real. And I mean, yeah, he's a supreme douchebag, but he's not someone to make an enemy of. Getting out of his reach isn't gonna be as easy as hiding in a quarry and shooting anything that moves.”

Locus pushed forward, forcing Felix to stumble aside to avoid being knocked down.  “Locus!”

“I will deal with Hargrove when it comes time to do so.  But I am not staying on Chorus a moment longer.”

Okay.  This was bad.  Locus was taking charge.  Locus wasn't supposed to take charge!  He was supposed to be a passive weapon that went along with Felix's whims, no questions asked.  He wasn't acting like himself, and Felix feared just how far his new-found agency extended.

Either way, he had to put his foot down.

“Okay, you've made your point,” said Felix, falling in step with Locus this time.  “You don't like Hargrove, you don't like Chorus, you don't like what we're doing. And hey, I get it.  What we're doing here is ultimately pointless, more trouble than it's worth. And believe me, I can't wait to blow this scene - get back to - hell, I don't know   Anywhere but here. So I get it, really, I do.” And now for the moment of truth, the moment he dreaded with all of his might.

“But we're not going anywhere.  Sure, this mission is a Goddamn shitshow, but we have a flawless record, and a couple of Sim Troopers aren't about to fuck that up.  So suck it up for a few more weeks. We finish up here, kill the Reds and Blues, kill the Chorusians, and then go to . . . I dunno, Hedonia, or whatever for a little R and R.”

And there he had it.  Locus may be acting strangely, but he'd cave to Felix's will like he always did.

“Then stay.”

Felix's stomach lurched, as though the floor had dropped out from under him, but his body remained uncharacteristically stationary.  “I'm sorry, what?”

Locus stopped retreating, though his back remained turned on Felix.  “If you want to stay, then stay. But I am leaving.” He was walking again, nearly managed to disappear into the darkness altogether before Felix finally came to his senses and raced after him.

“Locus!” he called out, but Locus didn't slow down.  Felix ran faster and called again. “Locus! God damn it, wait up!”  He didn't know where Locus was going by this point. Surely they'd passed the ‘entrance’ by now.  A sinking feeling was beginning to nag at the back of his mind. What if Locus didn't have a destination?  What if he simply had a purpose?

Felix caught up and all but flung himself into Locus's path, holding up both arms to prevent his advance.  Locus stopped, and they stood like that for a long moment, Felix's hands on Locus's armor, as though to prove that he was still there, was still real.

After a moment, he realized that holding a conversation like this would be ridiculous, and backed down.  Thankfully, Locus waited for him to say his piece.

“I'm sorry,” he said.  “Run that by me one more time.  You want us to split up?”

“Yes.”

It was a miracle Felix remained standing, given how much his knees were shaking.  “You can't be serious,” he laughed, drawing back and throwing a hand to his head. “Damn it, Locus.  I never took you for a prankster, but you really got me there. Remind me to never fuck with -”

“I'm not joking,” Locus replied, deadpan as ever.  

Felix's arms fell to his sides; gravity had become too heavy for him to hold them up a moment longer.  “What?”

“I am leaving Chorus.  You should stay on Chorus.  Finish the job on your own. You're the one who wants this.  Not me.”

This wasn't happening.  No way in fuck would Locus ever actually leave him.  They  _ needed _ each other!

Felix was angry now.  Who the fuck did Locus think he was?  He stood up straighter, moved in closer, and when he spoke, his hands developed a mind of their own, gesticulating wildly, as if their movements could show Locus the error of his ways.

“I'm the one who - for the love of God, we're  _ partners _ !  We've been together for, what, fifteen years?  Seventeen? You can't actually mean to break us up now?  No, fuck it! You're not leaving me!”

Were Locus the type to shrug, he almost certainly would have done so now.  Felix could practically hear the indifferent gesture in his voice as he said, “Then perhaps we should spend some time apart.”

“What?  No! Are you fucking kidding me?  No we should not spend some time apart!”  He lunged forward, clutching at the front of Locus's armor, a threat.  Definitely a threat. What else would it be?

“What, you really think you'll make it out there on your own?  Come on, Locus. Think about this for a minute. You're a barely functional wreck of a human being who's only good at killing people.  You think you can survive out there on your own? Please! Without me, you're nothing! Hell, you wouldn't last a week!”

“Then I don't last the week.”  His own hands reached out, grabbing Felix by the wrists and shoving him aside.  Freedom was his for all of two seconds before Felix was back, latching on to his arm as though it were the only thing keeping him afloat in this nightmarish ocean.

“God, Locus, listen to yourself!  Stop playing cool and aloof for five seconds and think about this!  Who's gonna put up with your annoying little habits but me? Your paranoia?  Your complete inability to trust other people. Who's gonna stay up with you at three in the morning because you had a nightmare and you just can't convince yourself that those shadows on the wall aren’t gonna come jumping out at you.  Who's gonna put up with your damn antisocial personality and your bouts of violence and your - your complete dependence on others to convince you that you're not a monster - that you deserve to live! Who's gonna give you a damn  _ reason  _ to live!  Face it, Locus.  You  _ need _ me.  You can't leave.”  

Locus stared down his shoulder at Felix, still holding on for dear life.  His words had been angry, desperate, and as far as he was concerned, one hundred percent true.  It didn’t matter if he’d lost his dignity by this point, if he came off weaker than he’d like to present himself.  He was in the middle of a goddamn emergency right now; it was a miracle his fucking legs hadn’t given out yet. That wasn’t good enough for Locus, however.

In one too-fast moment, he wrenched his arm from Felix’s grasp, and Felix was too distressed and too off-balance to break his own fall.  He hit the ground with a loud thud, but he didn’t feel a thing beyond the pulse of his heart, beating in his ears. Locus stared down at him, and though his face was covered, Felix could see the derisive glare in his eyes.  

“Stop projecting yourself onto me.”

That.  No, that was wrong.  Locus would never say such a thing.  He’d  _ never _ say such a thing!  On trembling hands and knees, Felix crawled forward, desperate to make contact with his partner again, desperate to keep him from leaving.  “Locus,” he croaked, “what are you -”

Locus didn’t let him finish.  He stepped out of reach of Felix’s grasping hands.

“You like to talk, don’t you?” Locus said, slowly, carefully, and still lingering just out of reach, like a cruel joke.  “Because as far as you’re concerned, the universe doesn’t extend beyond you. Everything is about you - what you want - what you need.  Even me.”

“Locus, what are you talking about -”

Locus stepped away again, his movements deliberate against Felix’s desperation.  “You’re weak,” he growled. “You always have been. But that’s unacceptable. Because if you acknowledged your own weakness, then your whole Darwinistic worldview would come toppling down.  And that’s why you have me.

“As long as I’m around, you can pretend that you’re sane.  You can pretend that you’re strong. You can pretend that you’re needed.  But you’re not needed, Felix. You need me, but I don’t need you.”

Felix wasn’t in his body anymore; he couldn’t have been.  The sight of that solid, scathing form standing before him, the bitter, honest words that poured from his mouth - they were all so far away.  They were happening to someone else; Locus was verbally annihilating someone else. But not him. It couldn’t have been him.  _ They needed each other! _

“That’s not -”

Locus stepped back again, shutting Felix up without uttering a word.  The silence didn’t last long, however. “I am not your dog. I am not your plaything.  And I am not here to protect you from your own deficiencies. We may both be broken, Felix, but between the two of us, I’m the only one who wants to be fixed.  I don’t want to spend my life running away from the things I’ve done - the things I’m still doing. I want to be a good person. I want to find some goddamn peace.

“But that won’t happen, not if I stay with you.  Because you  _ don’t _ want to get better.  You don’t want to be saved, because you don’t think you can be.  You’re so afraid of failing that you’d rather embrace this - this instability, this  _ insanity,  _ than make any effort at recovery.  You’re drowning, Felix, and I’m not going to let you drag me down with you.  I am not going to throw my life away to protect you from the consequences of this path you’re on.”

He began walking away.  The complete and utter son of a bitch was walking away.  What right did he have?! He didn’t know shit! And he didn’t know Felix.

“Is that how you really think?” Felix laughed, his voice edging on mania.  Locus was leaving him; Locus was  _ abandoning him.   _ Like hell.  

“Then you can fucking die like the rest of them!”  Terror granted him strength and rage spurred him on.  He leapt from the floor, flying at Locus in some blind effort to - he didn’t even know - punch him, maybe.  It didn’t matter. Locus dodged the blow easily, and the next one, and the one after that. No matter how fast he moved, how hard he fought, he couldn’t hit Locus.  

And Locus wouldn’t give him the pleasure of engagement.  All he did was dodge, dodge, dodge. A blow would have been kinder.  At least the pain would have been proof that he wasn’t alone. But Locus was not kind; he kept right on dodging the relentless assault until finally, exhausted, Felix collapsed to the floor.

In one last, desperate attempt, he reached out again, calling for Locus in a broken, pitiful voice.  “Locus, please.”

Locus fixed him a hard look, standing farther away than ever.  There was no sympathy in his expression, nothing but ice cold indifference.  “I’m leaving,” he said again, more resolute than ever. “I’m leaving to get away from you.  Goodbye, Felix. You won’t see me again.” With that, he walked away, fading into the darkness and leaving Felix completely and utterly alone.

_ No. _

No, it couldn’t end like this.  They needed each other! 

_ I need you. _

Alone . . . if Felix was alone . . . he could feel the darkness wrapping itself around him, robbing him of sight, of sound, of sensation.  No one was coming to save him this time; the only person who would have cared enough to was gone now. It was only Felix. Felix against the universe.

_ Please don’t leave me! _

The universe - vast, cold, indifferent - there was only one way this would end - only one outcome for a Felix without a Locus, a guardian, a protector . . . a partner.

There was nothing in the temple now, and no one.  Felix was left completely and utterly alone, unseeing, unhearing, unfeeling.  It was just him now, and the encroaching darkness threatening to swallow him whole.  There would be no escape, not this time. This time, death was coming to claim its prize.

_ NO! _

~~~

He came to with a lurch, as heat and noise and color came flooding back to him all at once.  Terror gripped at him, prickling at his spine, twisting his stomach into knots, and he madly whipped his head around, looking for Locus - looking for  _ anyone _ .  

_ Please don’t let me be alone! _

“How’d it go, sir?  Did you prove yourself the chosen hero?”

Felix spun towards the sound.  Standing before him was a man, clad in black armor - the pirate he’d shoved through the gate earlier.  And the scientist stood next to him. He hated the both of them, but right now, he didn’t care. They were the most beautiful things he’d ever laid eyes upon.  “I -”

The first pirate stood up a little straighter.  “Oh shit, did you see it too? The - ah - accusing faces of people you’ve killed?  God, it was like living my worst nightmare.”

_ Worst nightmare? _

That was it, wasn’t it?  The gate showed everyone something different.  This loser got the faces of everyone he’d ever wronged, and Felix got . . . Locus.

_ Locus _ !

“Where’s Locus?  Did he come out yet?” he asked, doing an admirable job of keeping his voice even.

“Hmm?  No, he’s still in there.  I wonder what’s happening.  He’s been in there awhile, come to think of it.  Maybe he really is the chosen one.”

Felix willed the pirate to see the wicked glare shot his way.  How fucking dare he think he could get away with that kind of talk?  

“Unlikely,” he scoffed, again, barely managing to keep his flaring emotions in check.  What had happened in the temple wasn’t real; he just needed to keep telling himself that.  

“So, what did you see?” the pirate pressed, apparently oblivious to just how close Felix was to shoving a dagger into his still-beating heart.

“Not a whole lot,” Felix shrugged.  “Doesn’t matter. Apparently, the temple has stupid standards.  Fucking waste of time.”

“Ah.”  Wisely, the pirate chose that moment to shut up.

Locus was spat out of the temple not long after, and Felix couldn’t stave off the sense of relief upon seeing just how terrified he appeared.  It was a far cry from the cold, unfeeling monster that he’d been greeted with in his own personal version of Hell. This was fine. This, he could deal with.

“Locus,” he greeted, drawing his partner’s attention.  “It’s about goddamn -” Locus raised his gun, like some cornered animal, scared out of its wits.  On instinct, Felix raised his own as well, though he was quick to regain his senses. Something about seeing Locus so lost and broken made him feel all the stronger.  “Hey!”

“What did you see?” Locus hissed, still unwilling to drop his gun.

_ He can’t know.   _

And so he wouldn’t.  Felix provided him with a nice non-answer, saying just enough to get Locus to put his damn gun down, before ushering everyone out.  Undoubtedly Locus would remain curious, but that was a Locus problem. As far as Felix was concerned, what he saw in the temple was a secret he’d take with him to the grave.

After all, as much as he’d love to deny it, imaginary Locus was right: Felix was standing between Locus and his own recovery, and the moment Locus realized that, he’d leave.  That was an unacceptable outcome. Felix didn’t care what else happened; the world could go up in a blazing fireball around them. The moon could fall out of the sky, and Hargrove could decide to put an end to their little arrangement.  But Locus could not leave him; could not  _ be allowed  _ to leave him.

He’d never been so sure of anything in his life.   
  



End file.
